You are the wind in my sales

Some people who are born into the bosom of Mother Gaia are blessed with a natural ability to make sales. They have a likable demeanor, an inviting smile, and a silver tongue. Their voice draws you in and almost lulls you into a trance. The car salesman I spoke to this morning possessed none of these qualities.

He looked like a fleshy balloon that was about to pop. He had cinched his belt tightly (wayyy too tight) around his ponderous girth, creating what is colloquially known as a "muffin top." He spotted me looking at cars from across the lot, and came huffing up the sidewalk. Sweat stains slowly expanded down his shirt as he reached out to shake my hand. His grip was slimy and greasy, as if his body were sweating out mayonnaise instead of moisture.

"Do you have any GMC Terrains?" I asked him.
"ARGHHH! SO HUNGRY!" he bellowed at me, his fat tongue rolling to one side of his bulky face. He eyed me with an expression that reminded me of my time with that African cannibal tribe.

I was lucky to get out of the dealership alive, but sadly he managed to consume one of my kidneys. Live and learn.