Age before beauty

Several of my new friends at Boeing are a bit younger than me. To be perfectly honest, the majority of them are summer interns and barely 21. Whereas I am turning the corner to 27 this upcoming July. Apparently I don't look my age, because I've gotten a lot of questions from people asking me one of the following three questions:

1. Am I still in college?
2. Is this my first job?
3. Have I hit puberty yet?

Of course, the answer to all of these questions is a resounding "NO!"

So this past weekend, I was hanging out with Sean and Sammy when we got word of a house party in downtown Seattle. Feeling that the night was young, we sprang into action and drove over there. Once inside, it became apparent that I was the oldest person in the room.

A really drunk, petite asian girl (let's assign her a fake Americanized name like "Susan") stumbled up to me.

Susan: Wait. Who are you?
Me: I'm Connor.

Susan: Are you an intern?

Me: No, I was recently hired as a full-time employee.

Susan: Seriously? How old are you? You're lying to me.

Me: I thought your kind was known for respecting their elders?

I'm so good at saying the right thing.

Polite conversation

I had my Boeing "new hire" orientation today. Being a social butterfly, I immediately got acquainted with the young people at my table. There's me, Sean, a girl named Sammy, and another girl named Meghan (who will work in the same group as me). I was excited, because I'm trying very hard to establish a new set of friends that you might find on a sitcom. Classic shows like Seinfeld or Friends always have a balance of men and women.

Sean: Hey, we should all meet up tonight and get drinks.
Sammy: Yeah, that sounds like fun!
Me: Count me in.

(Sammy stands up and leans forward to collect her papers. I accidentally do a quick boob stare, which I typically try very hard to avoid. I look down abruptly as Sammy catches my gaze at the last second.)

Internal Monologue: Oh shit! She just saw you staring at her chest. Wait... calm down. Maybe she didn't. Is she glaring?

(Quick glance upwards. Sammy is glaring. Glance away again.)

Internal Monologue: She DID see me! I gotta salvage this or else I'm going to lose my new friends. Say something to break the tension!! QUICKLY!!!
Connor: Nice set of cannons, Sammy.
(Collective gasps at the table.)
Internal Monologue: Nice recovery.

Missed Connections

I have a theory about people that I play phone tag with. You know what I mean: you call someone but they don't pick up, then they call back but your phone was on silent, and then you call them a second time but they were in the bathroom, and then they call you back yet again except you're disposing of the drifter's corpse in the river. It's just those little incidents that get in the way of you two actually making a connection.

My theory is this: these are people who are just like you, except slightly out of sync. Don't give up on the game of phone tag, because you could be missing out on your soul mate or a new best friend! An ignorant person (probably named something ridiculous like Zeke) might say "you two just aren't on the same wavelength". This is wrong, and you should not talk to Zeke ever again, because I hate him. You are on the SAME wavelength, you're just off-shifted from each other by 5 minutes. Get yourself in sync, and you are guaranteed a new friend who can replace that idiot Zeke.

Case in point: my new boss. His name is Eli Fluke. First off, let's just reflect on how that's kind of an awesome name. If he were a character in a movie, he would be the lead male role (or perhaps a very strong secondary character that has lots of screen time).

Eli sent an email asking me to give him a call. I called him today at 2:18, but he wasn't in the office so I left a voicemail. Then he called me at 2:33, but I was getting a haircut and put my phone on silent. I called Eli back at 2:58, but had to leave another message. Then he called me at 3:02, but I didn't hear it because my phone was still on silent. I got his voicemail once again at 3:06. Finally I called him again at 3:38 and we had a conversation.

I am excited to meet Eli Fluke, because I feel like we finally got on the same page and now we can become best friends. I'm going to give him a hug when I meet him tomorrow, because first impressions are important.