Trash bash.

I have a major problem with the janitorial staff at The Company. They only empty our bins... ONCE A WEEK! Please take a moment to allow the gravity of this statement to fully mature in your mind. Let it stew for a bit. Then come to the conclusion, as I have, that this is unacceptable!!

I frequently buy a lunch from the cafeteria right across the street and will eat it back at my desk. When I first began working here, I would blissfully toss my used plate in the garbage pail when I was done. But after a few days, I noticed the can was becoming full. Bits of food scraps were turning strange colors. A mysterious odor wafted through the air, and my coworkers grew nervous as packs of wild coyotes drew closer to our group with each passing day. I grew panicked and began to wonder if I had done something wrong.

Was it possible that I had to "activate" my garbage pail to have the janitors empty it? Had I offended the cleaning staff with my charm, good looks, and wild success? "Maybe they just missed my pail for the past three days", I reassured myself. "Surely they'll empty it tomorrow!"

Nope! The next day, the garbage was still full! And it wasn't emptied until I came in to work on Monday morning. So what was the real reason behind this travesty? The janitors (if you can believe this) are unionized and not minorities. Up here in Washington, all they have are Asians and white people. And Native Americans that turn into wolves or some bullsh*t like that. So ship them all up here, Arizona! Load up your huddled masses of shivering, unwanted souls on a bus and drop them off at Home Depots conveniently located across the state!

I'm so clever. I should be a politician.