Happy Birthday, coherent light

Today is the 50th anniversary of the patent of the laser. They've given us so much, that I think we need to take the time to reflect on all that lasers have accomplished. What have you accomplished in your life? Probably not as much as lasers. Lasers aren't even sentient. I mean, they're just light amplification through the stimulated emission of radiation. I hope this list motivates you, blog reader, to get your flippin' life in order. I want to write a blog post on your 50th birthday and actually have some accomplishments to describe other than "Farted alphabet."

1. Laser hair removal. How else do you think I got rid of my masculine uni-brow and unsightly nipple hair?
2. CD players. Nothing says "commitment" or celebrates an anniversary with your lady like a mix CD. You're welcome, female gender.
3. Laser blasters. Pew, pew!
4. Laser pointers. Back in the stone age, people would have to point to things on chalkboards with long wooden sticks. They were called "analog laser pointers" strangely enough.
5. Laser cats, which were bred to fight back the inevitable Chinese invasion forces. Look at this classified U.S. military photo of Unit 34 ("Prototype Feline Laser, American Shorthair") during target calibration with Unit 35 ("Snowflake").

By the way, you might be expecting an explanation for the three month hiatus.

I bet you are.

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