A Lady Gaga Christmas

I don't typically post twice in a day, but this offer is just so amazing that I needed to share. Today, Amazon.com is promoting a special Lady Gaga song "Christmas Tree" in time for the holiday season. It's free.

I'm going to allow you a moment to let the gravity of this situation sink in.

You can get a LADY GAGA song.

For. Free.

OMFG!!!

The lyrics, btw, are an undeniable masterpiece of human expression. I feel confident saying that this song is the greatest achievement of Art in all the millennia of human existence. From crude cave drawings, to Greek sculpture, to Beethoven and Mozart, to Andy Warhol, to the culminating pinnacle of creation with Lady Gaga. I don't want to give it all away, but some of the most poignant phrases include:

"Ho. Ho. Ho. Under the mistletoe. Yes, everybody knows we will take off our clothes, yes, if you want us to we will."

Also, "Oh oh, it's Christmas. My Christmas tree's delicious." I think this is symbolism, but I can't be sure.

The entire thing culminates with some dude who sounds like a cheap version of T-Pain yelling "Space Cowboy" over and over again. This has quickly become the new standard by which all Christmas music will be compared against.

Can't read my p-p-p-poker face

My mother is worried about me. I know this because she believes I've gone insane and has tried to tell me many times that people love me. You might be sitting there, all alone at home, wrapped in your Snuggie, wondering why people would be worried about me. "That Connor," you say to yourself "is such a happy person. He's got a great attitude. Why would people worry about him?!"

The answer is all about a game of cards, and my inability to control my emotions while playing them. My "poker face" if you will. Allow me to explain.

I love playing Hearts. It's pretty much one of my most favorite activities of all time (the other being scrap-booking). Sometimes I play online, but more frequently I'll just play the version of the game that comes installed by default on Microsoft Windows. My goal in this scenario is to keep my win percentage at 50% or higher. It's actually really hard.

In the default Windows version of this game, you can rename your computer opponents to whatever you like. So I chose to name them after some of my work colleagues (Marina, Cassie, and Alexis). Now, whenever I play against the computer, I'll sometimes get angry when they beat me and I'll unleash a stream of exuberant profanities. But my parents don't understand the situation, and they think that I'm infuriated at my old workmates for some elaborate personal reason, and that my emotional control is slowly breaking down. I'm pretty sure this is what Lady GaGa was going through when she wrote that hit song about her poker face.

I think it was called "Just Dance" or something.