Elaborate build-up, followed by disappointment (that's what she said?)

"Oh, why hello there Mr. President. I didn’t see you there in the corner. Yes, I’m doing quite well, thank you for asking. The project? Operation Rainbow is proceeding on schedule. That’s right, I’ve managed to overcome all the substantial technical hurdles. Why yes, as a matter of fact, I am aware of my prodigious intellect but I appreciate the compliment nonetheless.       

What’s that you say? You’re worried about the tree-huggers finding out about Operation Rainbow and raising objections? What could they object to?! All we’ve done is create a hybrid puma/rhinocerous, fed it nothing but human blood, then equip it with a 100kW laser and strap it to a rocket. Why would anyone object if we unleash an Abomination Unto the Lord against our enemies? Oh, poppycock. I think they’ll be proud of the scientific hurdles that we’ve blindly cleared to accomplish this goal.        

Well, I suppose you can always contact me if you have further concerns. But please not on Tuesday evenings. That’s when I karaoke. Hmm? Oh, you need a business card? Why of course. I would be happy to present you with this elegant symbol of my professionalism."

No Dream Finer Than a Dreamliner

Today was a fairly fantastic day at work. I got to walk around in the Boeing factory (the largest building in the world) and inspect all their airplanes production lines up close. The planes are built in an assembly line, with them all lined up nose to tail.

Anyways, Boeing is coming out with this hyper-advanced passenger plane called the 787 Dreamliner. It's quite badass, and not even available for purchase yet. But since I'm kind of a big deal here, I got to walk inside and crawl around the engineering bay of one while it was being built! It was an engineer's hot steamy dream. I even got to peek my head inside the cabin and look out the flight window while making cool airplane sounds. The technicians thought I was a mentally handicapped person on a tour. One told me that this was a special plane that I might get to fly on one day. I gave him a big smile and declared that I was a big boy and allowed to ride on planes all by myself!

I bet you're wondering about some of the more intricate design aspects of the 787 Dreamliner. I'm not supposed to do this, but I got my hands on some very classified engineering documents that I'll upload just for you:

I wish I could explain this schematic to you in more detail, but it really is quite technical and I'm afraid (quite frankly) that it's over your head. Get an engineering degree and then we'll talk.

Age before beauty

Several of my new friends at Boeing are a bit younger than me. To be perfectly honest, the majority of them are summer interns and barely 21. Whereas I am turning the corner to 27 this upcoming July. Apparently I don't look my age, because I've gotten a lot of questions from people asking me one of the following three questions:

1. Am I still in college?
2. Is this my first job?
3. Have I hit puberty yet?

Of course, the answer to all of these questions is a resounding "NO!"

So this past weekend, I was hanging out with Sean and Sammy when we got word of a house party in downtown Seattle. Feeling that the night was young, we sprang into action and drove over there. Once inside, it became apparent that I was the oldest person in the room.

A really drunk, petite asian girl (let's assign her a fake Americanized name like "Susan") stumbled up to me.

Susan: Wait. Who are you?
Me: I'm Connor.

Susan: Are you an intern?

Me: No, I was recently hired as a full-time employee.

Susan: Seriously? How old are you? You're lying to me.

Me: I thought your kind was known for respecting their elders?

I'm so good at saying the right thing.

Polite conversation

I had my Boeing "new hire" orientation today. Being a social butterfly, I immediately got acquainted with the young people at my table. There's me, Sean, a girl named Sammy, and another girl named Meghan (who will work in the same group as me). I was excited, because I'm trying very hard to establish a new set of friends that you might find on a sitcom. Classic shows like Seinfeld or Friends always have a balance of men and women.

Sean: Hey, we should all meet up tonight and get drinks.
Sammy: Yeah, that sounds like fun!
Me: Count me in.

(Sammy stands up and leans forward to collect her papers. I accidentally do a quick boob stare, which I typically try very hard to avoid. I look down abruptly as Sammy catches my gaze at the last second.)

Internal Monologue: Oh shit! She just saw you staring at her chest. Wait... calm down. Maybe she didn't. Is she glaring?

(Quick glance upwards. Sammy is glaring. Glance away again.)

Internal Monologue: She DID see me! I gotta salvage this or else I'm going to lose my new friends. Say something to break the tension!! QUICKLY!!!
Connor: Nice set of cannons, Sammy.
(Collective gasps at the table.)
Internal Monologue: Nice recovery.